Tag Archives: emotion

Our personal energy fields and how I see them. (Or what is that big spinning donut and how do I eat it?)


Today I will explain how I see the energy field around my body, which I am extrapolating to include the field around your body.  Why do things by half, anyway?  Hmmmmm?  Bare in mind that what I “see” is not with my physical eyes.  I also would like to say that how I see in meditation is akin to an allegory.  A story of symbols that unfolds for me to make sense of.  I have been working with my field at least once daily for the past three or four months…maybe even five.  How time flies!  It all started when I started working out every day.  After my cool down I would concentrate on my field and observe and interact with what I found there.  The first “structure” that I saw was a gridded torus that is around my body, just past my fingertips when outstretched.  Not quite as far away from me as the following illustration but l liked the gridded aspects of this pic.  Some days the ribbing that is vertical is much more pronounced than the horizontal aspects.  It also pretty much looks like a sphere unless I look straight up.


I have been told in meditation that this is “the envelope that contains the letter that is you.”

The next aspect that I began to see is an infinity symbol that stretched out from my body.  It extended the length that my arms can reach out from my body.  In other words, I can trace the whole thing.  Here is the tricky part for the visual.  The energy is moving in a continual loop right?  But there is a very 3D aspect of it, like I’m looking at a cannoli shell. Only the center does not overlap it flows into its self and is much more narrow or pinched than our friend the cannoli.  But that curvature of the shell, that is being pointed out to me.


This field is very much centered at my heart.  I call this the Heart Field.  The Heart Field is a fascinating structure, of which we (meaning I…and anyone else who is working with it) are only beginning to understand.  Here is a quote from my journal concerning its nature.

“The binary-ness of the heart is two-fold.  First it is the creator and the destroyer.  The constant cycle of conversion, conversion, conversion is the heart creating and destroying. We do not mean this in a violent way, only in the way of demonstrating that all life does consume life.  So too does your heart eat old thoughts, creations, attitudes and beliefs.  Do you not have a surge of energy when you have an Ah Ha moment?  That is the heart immediately converting the old into the new.  Second, there is a push-pull aspect to the heart which is very important.  The energy that you Accept (More about this very important concept/action later.) into the heart is the pull, from what you Accept you push out as part of who you are.”

So why do I see the Heart field as a giant cannoli?  Ah, good question my friends.  I see in symbols, remember?  So the sideways representation was emphasizing strongly the source of the field, the heart itself.  It really isn’t a half a donut or even a full (which I thought at one point).  I am seeing the looping structure of the engine of physical life…not the beating of the heart that keeps my body alive but the engine that controls the physical life that I see all around me.  I thought for a moment that the loop that I saw was a wave but this is not correct either.  Here is the best description from my journal.

“It is hard to describe something that is not in your sphere of reference, but we will try.  Take the understanding of a truck backing up.  Look at its wheels as it reverses.  The surface of the wheel is a finite controlled system that acts as an intermediary between the vehicle and the surface it rests upon.  So too does the energy which leaves the heart.  It is not a wave but a very physical interacting device that permeates your field.  The words to describe a physical act…for that is what it does, creates the physical…are hard to describe to you since you are seeing the energetic manifestation of it.  Do you understand? It is not energetic, it is physical but you are seeing an energetic representation of it so that you can understand it’s function.

The understanding that the physical is created, maintained and organized by your heart field, is crucial for life change.  What is not crucial is understanding exactly what that looks like.  Instead understand what that means to you.  Understand why you can see what you can see.”

So here is what I understand from the symbols being shown to me.  The Outer Field Torus is the energetic representation of our individualism.  This is not a thesis on how we are really all one.  That is a different energy field representation.  This is about YOU and how you create YOUR life.  So the envelope encloses the letter, our physical body.  The body contains the engine of creation, the heart.  Emotion is another way of understanding that engine.  Emotion is really the ultimate creation engine.  It alone of the chakras is the creator of the outward life that we experience.

The other chakras, not to be left out, I see as a double spiral.


The spiral is also very much centered on the aspect of conversion.  As you actively seek more your chakra responds in kind, widening both what you have available to learn through that chakra and presenting all that you have learned out into your life.  They act differently than the heart in that they are not the engine, instead they are the driving force of expansion within your identity of self.  As you explore what you are capable of and what you choose to encounter and do, your chakras spiral with where you are in your journey. So the sine wave that represents each chakra, its speed and amplitude is based on each individuals level of self initiation and needs.  The entire chakra group is always interacting with each other, these are not closed systems.  You cannot segregate growth to one energy center.

So there you have it.  The playing field for physical creation….as I see it.  There is soooo much more yumminess to learn!  (She says while salivating!)




I have been wondering lately about how to create in the physical without imagining specific scenarios and outcomes, and therefore limiting myself to what is available energetically. During a meditation on the 10th, an answer was given that shone some light on this question. I know that there is more to it but right now it is a fabulous piece to the puzzle. Here is the conversation that I had with myself. I would like to point out that the big S, as in Higher Self, seems to have merged with the small s, as in the individual Esther, that I no longer feel using the big Self is accurate. I don’t know how to describe it except to say that the answers are coming more from within than before. That being said, the energy or the feel of the answers coming back has changed too. This is especially noticeable to me at the beginning where the language is not what I am use to. Haha… Let me tell you, the word brethren, is not the type of word that usually comes through for me. (SMILE)


Esther: “Ok self, it has been a bit of a ride lately. What are some of my possibilities now?”

myself: “First know that all is well, that you are loved deeply and the promise of a new age has come to pass. What does this mean for you? Many things. Lets speak of the energetics first. The sun, your great expander, has entered into a new relationship with you and your Earth brethren. This will bring about accelerated growth in all phases of your life. Know that your connection there, is constant and sure. (meaning the connection to the Sun) Also know that all the celestial bodies, those seen and unseen, are in alignment with this new relationship. What does this mean? The relationship between the planets and you the humans has always been symbiotic, now it is exemplary. It went from working together to showing the way. No longer do the celestial bodies find themselves tied to drama and intrigue, instead they are now guidance and role models of the way forward.

Now what of the physical? Ah, now you will really see the shift. We will speak of your life alone here. You have moved to a new energetic space and you will move again within the year. Why do you think this is? You can see the shift in generalities but we will give you more specifics. This current home is a stopping place to accrue energy and anchor into the new without limiting your potential. You are centrally located in the town. Are you not? You are meant to be in the middle, absorbing energy from the four directions. So what is available to you now? First know that the fabric of life is all-ways changing. That said, there will be some opportunities that will arise that are fairly certain to occur. Do you know that your presence in the state of Colorado has affected everything within it? This is true. A shuffling of energy has occurred since you arrived. You are frustrated with you efforts to manifest an income stream within your physical life. And yet you have been provided an income throughout this ordeal. You have placed an importance on a physical job and a traditional human income stream. Know that the options there are still aligning and that all will come together.”

E: “Is what my heart wants conflicting with my desire for a generous income stream?”

m: “No. The heart does not wish to suffer. The heart wants more.”

E: “It is hard for me to line up the desire for more financially with my desire for more expansion. Where is the conflict?”

m: “This is a common issue arising right now; how to balance your need and desire for growth with your desire to live a more comfortable physical life. The answer is easy. Do not put one above the other. Instead treat them as equals that fulfill the other.”

E: “Wow! Can you tell me more about that?”

s: “Yes. If your growth is tied to finances than both expand. If your finances are tied to finances than there is slow to no movement. If your growth it tied to growth, than it too accelerates at it own constant rate. But, link them together and an unusual thing happens. The molecules of each become entangled so that they both slingshot the other as they vibrate or spin. This is how other entangled energies work as well.”

E: “So how do I entangle them?”

s: “Begin by imagining that the desires of the physical, mainly money/home/comfort, are alongside the desires of the heart, mainly growth/joy/expansion/discovery. Now link them. (This was shown to me in two different visuals. The first was on an atomic level…I could either share molecules of each desire or have a magnetic attraction between the different molecules. I chose magnetics for my linkage. Second I was shown it as two sine waves traveling through space and time. When linked they travel together in the spiral, always responding to each other.)

E: “Thank you. I have found it hard to relax into “the waiting for”. I always think there is something I should be working on. Can you speak to me about this?”

s: “Yes. The desire to just Be is not a place that you have put your trust into for very long. This is tied to your physicalness as a being and to your experiences in the body thus for. Learning to just Be is a skill that flows from trust in the ALL but there is a misconception too. When you are in a state of Being, are you allowed to have doubts? Questions? Searches? New discoveries? Yes is the answer to all of those. The state of Being is not static and that understanding needs to change in your mind. Instead the state of Being is walking through life with your eyes wide open and ready to engage but your heart never goes into fear. This is the state of Being. It is not a static state of bliss, or trust. Instead it is an active state of trust with all that enfolds you as you experience life. Have your questions. Have your doubts and your ah ha’s. Do not have the fear.”

E: “So I have been in it more than I suspected?”

s: “Yes indeed. You have found many moments, some for days on end, which brought you to a Being state. You still have a little fear. Your greatest emotion to work with right now is love. Love the questions. Love the doubt. Do not drop into fear-creating when your emotions flare up. This doesn’t happen if you are not afraid. Did you know that you can be depressed and anxious without drowning in fear? The base emotion is the creating emotion.”

E: “I have felt very flat at times lately. (emotionally) Can you speak about that?”

s: “The ability to be joyful is tempered with the ability to be sad. You cannot always be high with joy and giggles, just as you cannot always be sad. The feeling of flatness is simply an in-between state. Experience it as it’s own and know that it changes as easily as the others do.”

E: “Thank you. Are there specific things I should concentrate on for creation in the physical? Or do I try to keep away from the specifics?”

s: “There are several things to point out here. First, yes concentrating on the specifics narrows the available outcomes. This can be used to achieve something very specific and is therefore not a detriment in that case. However the complexity of created reality is such that there are a lot of unknown and unimaginable options that you would rather have if you knew they existed. So how do you pull those to you without imagining? Tricky Tricky! Know this, the ability to broaden what manifests for you is simpler than it appears. Understand that the imagination is a powerful tool. You can use it to your advantage if you know how.

Can you imagine surprise and delight?

Can you imagine awe and being overjoyed?

Can you imagine tears of happiness?

Can you imagine the comfort of everything being taken care of?

Can you imagine everything falling into place?

Can you imagine your husband happy with the outcome as well?

Can you imagine that the new money stream just falls in your lap?

Can you imagine that your abilities and growth are reflected in that surprising turn of events?

Can you imagine that everything you wanted is coming true?

Can you imagine having it all?

Can you imagine that the beginning of this journey leads to an amazing end, which is really an amazing beginning?

Can you imagine that everything that has come through you is true?

Can you imagine that you never doubt again?

Can you imagine that the God that is you becomes so apparent that others see it too?

Can you imagine what walking through life as a Knowing Creator is like?

Can you imagine the joy and safety in knowing how to create at will?

Can you imagine a future that is not only stable but also generous in its ability to provide for your needs and wants?

Imagine it all.

Live it all.

It is one and the same.”



As a tiny example of imagining,… I was turning off the shower two days ago and noticed before I stepped out a single drop of water hanging on the showerhead. This is not something that I normally pay attention to, but on that day I put my hand out to catch it. It didn’t fall however. After a bit I began speaking to it, trying to coax it down into my hand. There was still no movement. I went inside it, saw it’s energetic and atomic structure and tried to show it the similar water makeup of my cells. There was no movement. Then I remembered the above instructions to imagine it. So I imagined the drop of water landing on my palm and felt the quiet happiness that the moment would bring to me. (For there is emotion attached to all of the imagine statements above…which I hope you can feel as you read them.) Immediately the drop fell…as did thirty or so other drops that came out of the inside of the showerhead. You should have heard my startled and happy laughter!

Tip of the Day…Joy


“Joy is the only emotion that is never confused with any other.  You can be happy and sad at the same time.  You can be angry and calm.  You can be scared and resolute.  You can be multiple things at once, which leads–on a certain level–to confusion about how a specific feeling feels to you.  But Joy, real Joy, is just that and no other.  There is a purity to Joy that you each recognize, even if you only experience it for a few sparkling seconds at a time.  Find your Joy.  Pay attention to it when it shows up.  In order to bring more of it into your life you must know how it feels to you.  Like magnetizes like.”

The Color Code of Emotions

The Color Code of Emotions

In my quest to turn on my “emotional sensors” during meditation, I found myself seeing auras in one of my last attempts. I was informed by one of the ladies in my super powers group that I was seeing emotion. Say what? So I went into a meditation conversation with Myself to find out more about this.

Esther: “Am I allowed to ask about seeing the colored auras and their relation to emotion?”

Myself: “You may ask any questions you wish. We wanted you to do the non-written meditations to help you focus on the new info you would be receiving. There is a correlation between the colors you saw and emotion. The most prominent feature of this is the ability to spot the intention of a Being or action of a Being. Sometimes when you do not understand the meaning behind the act you can jump to conclusions and make suppositions and you would be wrong, based on not enough information.”

E: “So the color projects the root emotion of the Being/object in the moment?”

M: “Yes. Do not think that this won’t change for you. Always this will be evolving as you are better able to process and understand this information.”

E: “Can you tell me what the colors mean?”

M: “The difference in the colors is subtle.

Red is the color of forward action, interested passion, and purposeful creating.

Orange is the color of Being full; content with one’s self, a color of radiant confidence.

Yellow is the color of Beginnings; it features the purity of finding your way with intent and benevolent interest.

Gold is the color of vibrating at the highest personal level possible at that moment.

Silver is the color of fusion of soul and physical incarnate, the two working as one.

Bronze is the color that denotes finding your way in a new meld of consciousness.

Copper is the color of Earth energy mixed with the human and the soul.

Green is the color of an open heart, not so much love as the openness to love everything for it’s own attributes.

Blue is the color of Mother energy, fertility and growth and the bringing of life.

Aqua is the color of the Sea, water energy mixed with living Beings in a state of union.

Violet is the color of enhancement, of growth and renewal.

White is the color of pure intent, intent with no agenda or expectations.

Black is the color of the unknown, of possibilities that are endless.

Brown is the color of the Earth energy, full of life and the wisdom therein.

Pink is the color of love, both personal and universal.

Grey symbolizes the mixing of endless possibilities with pure intent.

Sparkles mean that there is a multidimensional experience happening. These can be seen not only around a person, place or thing but also in conjunction with the actions of someone, such as after/before or during a specific interaction or speech.

Stripes are the representation of a multi-layered experience where things are being expressed on multiple levels and through multiple intentions.

Stars are the representation of a layered energy that needs to be decoded on more than one energetic level, often with sound being the primary carrier of information.

A Rainbow is the representation of a fullness and completeness in the given circumstances.”

E: “What about anger or sadness or shame or fear? Don’t they have a color?”

M: “The emotions you speak of are not so much a color as an absence of one. This doesn’t mean that if you are not seeing an aura that you must assume that one of those emotions are being experienced. Instead think of it as an equation. When you are in a state of peace and acceptance and love, you radiate that emotion outward. When you feel hate or anger, for example, you pull that emotion into yourself and hold it there. It does not radiate outward as part of your energy field. You still create with those emotions but you create from the heart center not from the energy field around you.”

E: “This is why your own emotions have such an effect on your physical health?”

M: “Yes. The holding of fear and anger close to yourself puts tremendous stress on your cells.”

E: “So, I will only be able to see emotions that are in the field and not those within the heart.”

M: “For all intents and purposes, right now you will be limited to the immediate field around the Being or object. This is in an attempt to narrow the field and give you a base line to start exploring/sensing emotions.”

E: “I thought I would feel the emotion?”

M: “Do not assume that you will not. You are merely learning the language for these experiences. More will follow. Your experience will broaden.”

E: “Do I use these color meanings in all my other meditations or is it just when I see an aura?”

M: “They will be applicable to all your meditation work. The more you pay attention the more you will see that the emotional code is embedded in all things.”

E: “Is this code a universal thing or meant for me in particular?”

M: “This code is for you but it has many universal meanings that others will recognize. Others may adapt it if they wish but understand that it is a primer, a jumping off point for further development.”

Blended Work


Uluru, Ayers Rock Australia

Our Super Powers class has been over since the end of June but our group has still been meeting and meditating together. We are quite active with discussion and sharing in our private Facebook group page. It has been a joy to hangout with others with similar interests. We had been discussing our next phone meet up this week. I had not received a meditation from Raoul, our blended energy group guide. But I didn’t think too much about that, after all it has been very busy here on the farm. I am pretty much up to my ears in cucumbers. So when I took a moment and asked Raoul what he had for us this week, I was quite unprepared for the answer.

We were asked to step up our game. No one-off meditation for us to play with this week. Oh no. Instead we got instructions on a three-week Blended Work extravaganza. The subject of our work is centered on Uluru, Ayers Rock in Australia. We were all given individual assignments that build on each other. Some of us were told to tap into the soil/minerals of the Great Rock, others to establish connections with the people and animals/birds etc. that live on and around it. Another was visiting New Zealand and was told to document the connections that already exist between Uluru and that amazing landmass. Still others were asked to learn how to work with the energetic field around the Rock or to begin learning the individual frequencies and timelines that are connected to and travel through there or to connect with the history of Uluru through the ages. Still another was given the task of uncovering and drawing the art and other glyphs that have been drawn on Uluru down through the ages. These are all amazing and intense acts that will stretch each of our skills. And yes, three weeks is our time frame. So we will do what we can!

The assignment that I was given is as follows.

“Esther your homework is to begin developing your Reach and Flight gifts on an energetic level through emotion. This is a new sensory experience for you during meditation and will not always be pleasant. All your energetic sensors will be opened in that regard and you will need to learn what to do to have the experience and have the emotion too, without one overwhelming the other. It will take a new way of meditating for you. You have mastered the abilities to take notes and to observe. Now you must leave the note taking to all of the others and learn to expand and use this new sense. You may keep a journal of your experiences but focus on the emotional side of it and write it only after the meditation is complete. To begin, connect with the land and then it’s people, the Dreamwalkers. Let them show you how they use their emotions. Submerge yourself in the experiences of the others and FEEL your way through them. Call on all those who are on this journey with you if it begins to be overwhelming. But it is important to note that you should let the emotions well up within you to overflowing. They must fill you all the way up if you are to truly know how to experience them and be able to add them to your list of senses that will remain open as you meditate.”

Now I am nervous about this assignment. Not because I don’t think I can do it but because I KNOW that it is bigger than it appears. I have no problem feeling other people’s emotions in day-to-day life but I feel it, understand what I am getting and then turn off the spigot. I sip emotion. I know this is not a bad thing. It is good to have control so I’m not overwhelmed. But it is all done unconsciously and I also think that I do it to myself. So this is not just about giving myself another sense to use during meditation, this is about reconfiguring how I emotionally sense and feel things all the time. YIKES!!! (Deep Breath)

I have also done a little digging on Uluru. While I was getting the assignments from Raoul, it was mentioned that Uluru was an important Earth Node. I knew that word but it wasn’t until someone mentioned that it was from Kryon did I have my memory jogged. I will link the posts on Kryon.com to this so you can check it out if you are interested. There are 24 major “time capsules” that are on the planet. Twelve of them are Nodes and twelve of them are Nulls. They are also paired up together, one Null with one Node. Uluru is indeed a Node; its pair is unknown at this time. The Nulls are areas where one only feels pure Mother Earth energy; the energetic grids of humanity overlap and cancel each other out. The Nodes are areas where the energetic grids of humanity overlap and amplify. There are three kinds of Nodes–portals, vortex, and vortals (a combination of both). Nodes also slowly remove negative and unwanted energy from the Earth. Nulls slowly release information to us, as we are ready, that is why they work in pairs…a push-pull scenario. Please check out the link if you want more information.

So not only do we have an intense three weeks ahead of us but we are doing it at one of the twelve Earth Nodes too! Holy Cow! No pressure!

The assignments came through me and were sent out yesterday as soon as I could type them up. A few people had already started on their explorations and posted about them before I was even back in the house and showered from sweating my ass off harvesting this morning. (I really do think that we should have a limit on how much humidity can be in the air when there is zero breeze and no clouds.) Our uncovering the art of Uluru lady is also working with the encoded sounds of the drawings. She had posted about what she was starting to get along with a lark song that she heard. As I read her post, I could hear the lark singing too and remember that I was supposed to FEEL into their experiences. So I dropped in further. Suddenly I was having a full on experience.

I was standing on Uluru and there was a humming bird flying all around me. It opened a staircase out of my gut, which tumbled down until the bottom step reached the ground. Then it stripped the skin off my chest, exposing the organs and bones inside. It came up to my ear and whispered, “Do you want to feel fear?” “Yes.” I said. “Anger?” “Yes.” “Shame?” “Yes.”…and on through all the darker emotions. It then listed the lighter ones such as happiness, joy and love. I said yes to them all and then said, “I will take them all so that I can feel joy, love and happiness.”

The bird flew behind me and I noticed that my hands were tied behind my back and I also had latex gloves on. I cut the tie and stripped off my gloves. My hands were pink and new and it was almost psychedelic looking at them. A big cucumber plant was suddenly on my right, waving its tendrils in my face to get my attention. I took my new pink hands and started feeling along it. Under a leaf, I felt something heavy land in my hand and I pulled my hand out and stared. I was holding a tiny baby, preemie size. It fit in my hand. It was my “new baby emotions”. I put it in my open chest and it went head first into my heart. I suddenly felt something heavy drop into my pelvis. I was giving birth! I reached down and quickly grabbed her before she could hit the ground. It was a girl with very very long hair. She was about the size of an 8 or 9-year-old. I washed all the birth stickiness off of her and cleaned her hair. She just stood there all stiff and wooden, like a doll. I got her to talk. She is Fear. She says that I don’t use her properly, that I don’t acknowledge her. I push her away and ignore her. I asked what I should do. She said when I come around; you should pay attention and admit I am there. I, Esther, need to find a place that knows and understands fear without ignoring it or letting it overwhelm me and block all other emotions and thoughts. Balance. I still didn’t FEEL any emotions come to me while in this meditation, except my concern for the girl when I was trying to coax her to talk to me. But some progress has been made. One small step forward and now Fear walks beside me, not as a shadow that frightens but as an acknowledged part of myself.