Tag Archives: creation

Our personal energy fields and how I see them. (Or what is that big spinning donut and how do I eat it?)


Today I will explain how I see the energy field around my body, which I am extrapolating to include the field around your body.  Why do things by half, anyway?  Hmmmmm?  Bare in mind that what I “see” is not with my physical eyes.  I also would like to say that how I see in meditation is akin to an allegory.  A story of symbols that unfolds for me to make sense of.  I have been working with my field at least once daily for the past three or four months…maybe even five.  How time flies!  It all started when I started working out every day.  After my cool down I would concentrate on my field and observe and interact with what I found there.  The first “structure” that I saw was a gridded torus that is around my body, just past my fingertips when outstretched.  Not quite as far away from me as the following illustration but l liked the gridded aspects of this pic.  Some days the ribbing that is vertical is much more pronounced than the horizontal aspects.  It also pretty much looks like a sphere unless I look straight up.


I have been told in meditation that this is “the envelope that contains the letter that is you.”

The next aspect that I began to see is an infinity symbol that stretched out from my body.  It extended the length that my arms can reach out from my body.  In other words, I can trace the whole thing.  Here is the tricky part for the visual.  The energy is moving in a continual loop right?  But there is a very 3D aspect of it, like I’m looking at a cannoli shell. Only the center does not overlap it flows into its self and is much more narrow or pinched than our friend the cannoli.  But that curvature of the shell, that is being pointed out to me.


This field is very much centered at my heart.  I call this the Heart Field.  The Heart Field is a fascinating structure, of which we (meaning I…and anyone else who is working with it) are only beginning to understand.  Here is a quote from my journal concerning its nature.

“The binary-ness of the heart is two-fold.  First it is the creator and the destroyer.  The constant cycle of conversion, conversion, conversion is the heart creating and destroying. We do not mean this in a violent way, only in the way of demonstrating that all life does consume life.  So too does your heart eat old thoughts, creations, attitudes and beliefs.  Do you not have a surge of energy when you have an Ah Ha moment?  That is the heart immediately converting the old into the new.  Second, there is a push-pull aspect to the heart which is very important.  The energy that you Accept (More about this very important concept/action later.) into the heart is the pull, from what you Accept you push out as part of who you are.”

So why do I see the Heart field as a giant cannoli?  Ah, good question my friends.  I see in symbols, remember?  So the sideways representation was emphasizing strongly the source of the field, the heart itself.  It really isn’t a half a donut or even a full (which I thought at one point).  I am seeing the looping structure of the engine of physical life…not the beating of the heart that keeps my body alive but the engine that controls the physical life that I see all around me.  I thought for a moment that the loop that I saw was a wave but this is not correct either.  Here is the best description from my journal.

“It is hard to describe something that is not in your sphere of reference, but we will try.  Take the understanding of a truck backing up.  Look at its wheels as it reverses.  The surface of the wheel is a finite controlled system that acts as an intermediary between the vehicle and the surface it rests upon.  So too does the energy which leaves the heart.  It is not a wave but a very physical interacting device that permeates your field.  The words to describe a physical act…for that is what it does, creates the physical…are hard to describe to you since you are seeing the energetic manifestation of it.  Do you understand? It is not energetic, it is physical but you are seeing an energetic representation of it so that you can understand it’s function.

The understanding that the physical is created, maintained and organized by your heart field, is crucial for life change.  What is not crucial is understanding exactly what that looks like.  Instead understand what that means to you.  Understand why you can see what you can see.”

So here is what I understand from the symbols being shown to me.  The Outer Field Torus is the energetic representation of our individualism.  This is not a thesis on how we are really all one.  That is a different energy field representation.  This is about YOU and how you create YOUR life.  So the envelope encloses the letter, our physical body.  The body contains the engine of creation, the heart.  Emotion is another way of understanding that engine.  Emotion is really the ultimate creation engine.  It alone of the chakras is the creator of the outward life that we experience.

The other chakras, not to be left out, I see as a double spiral.


The spiral is also very much centered on the aspect of conversion.  As you actively seek more your chakra responds in kind, widening both what you have available to learn through that chakra and presenting all that you have learned out into your life.  They act differently than the heart in that they are not the engine, instead they are the driving force of expansion within your identity of self.  As you explore what you are capable of and what you choose to encounter and do, your chakras spiral with where you are in your journey. So the sine wave that represents each chakra, its speed and amplitude is based on each individuals level of self initiation and needs.  The entire chakra group is always interacting with each other, these are not closed systems.  You cannot segregate growth to one energy center.

So there you have it.  The playing field for physical creation….as I see it.  There is soooo much more yumminess to learn!  (She says while salivating!)


Expectation and Releasing my Accomplishments

Expectation and Releasing my Accomplishments

Hi everybody! This meditation continues my understanding of creation. Or more accurately that annoying thing called, waiting for something to happen. It also addresses a meditation that I had done the day prior that was spurred by Brenda Hoffman’s blog post titled Goodbye Fear Friend at lifetapestrycreations.wordpress.com. I have to tell you, cutting the thread that she talks about was hard to do. Not in the cutting of but in the realization of what that meant. I needed to release all memory of how I got to where I am now, all the awesomeness and the ah-ha’s and the holy shit moments. That was big and I almost snatched it back reflexively. I had to consciously let it all go.  I encourage you to read her post if you have not yet.


Esther: “Dear self, can you help me with expectation? It seems to be my biggest emotional trigger at the moment.”

myself: “Yes. The beginning of all energy exchange is based on expectation. This can be incredibly limiting and incredibly expansive. We have spoken of the Time being Now, of using your foresight to pull things into the Now. This leads to expectation. How can it not. You should expect the visible presence of what you have created.  The problem lies in what your mind is able to expect and what is really there. You have a desire for everything to fall into place Now, for the uncertainty to end and the next chapter to begin. When this does not occur, you become sad and disappointed.”

E: “I am pushing again, aren’t I?”

m: “Yes, but only in one aspect of this. The train ride you are on has a scheduled stop. You are looking for that stop in every light pole that you pass.”

E: “Like a kid in a car on a long trip.”

m: (Laughing) “Yes. You have created an anxiety because each light pole is not the station. When we tell you that all is proceeding as planned, that all is created and entering your physical existence, you believe us.”

E: “Yes.”

m: “What you don’t believe is that our time frame and yours are the same. We are not so aligned with other energies that we do not understand. We are you. We KNOW that you and your family are entering you new chapter. We know your timetable. We know your schedule. We know that all will be provided. We understand your concern around this and we hope to allay your anxiety over this. Here is what we see.

You will be living in a new home by May 1st.

You will find your encounter with this shift painless and easy.

You will NEVER miss this opportunity.

You will NEVER find yourself in lack again.

You are as gifted in the creation of your dreams as you are in exploring what you are made of.

You will arrive at the station on time.

You will be there to both meet the train and depart from it.”

E: “Thank you. I have foreseen these things and the Time is Now.

Anything else you would like to add today?”

m: “Yes, lets take a journey to the release of the thread yesterday. Do you understand the release of your memories of growth?”

E: “I think so. To retain them is to create the energy again.”

m: “Yes. To totally step into the new, the old must be released, especially your memories of leaving it. There will come a time when you will not even remember what it was like to just scrape by. It will seem like another lifetime, as if you and that Esther have nothing in common. This is good. It is a new era, a new lifetime while still living. This new energy must separate from the old in every way. Do not think that your growth and accomplishments are not honored. They are but now they too are old. The New needs a clean slate. Thank you for letting go. It is a bittersweet parting. But now you truly stand in your new Being.

These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do.

And one of these days, these boots are gonna walk all over you.

You have stood on the shoulders of the old you. Now the boots have stepped off on their own journey. Your past is no longer relevant to the new you.

Are you ready boots? Start walkin!



I have been wondering lately about how to create in the physical without imagining specific scenarios and outcomes, and therefore limiting myself to what is available energetically. During a meditation on the 10th, an answer was given that shone some light on this question. I know that there is more to it but right now it is a fabulous piece to the puzzle. Here is the conversation that I had with myself. I would like to point out that the big S, as in Higher Self, seems to have merged with the small s, as in the individual Esther, that I no longer feel using the big Self is accurate. I don’t know how to describe it except to say that the answers are coming more from within than before. That being said, the energy or the feel of the answers coming back has changed too. This is especially noticeable to me at the beginning where the language is not what I am use to. Haha… Let me tell you, the word brethren, is not the type of word that usually comes through for me. (SMILE)


Esther: “Ok self, it has been a bit of a ride lately. What are some of my possibilities now?”

myself: “First know that all is well, that you are loved deeply and the promise of a new age has come to pass. What does this mean for you? Many things. Lets speak of the energetics first. The sun, your great expander, has entered into a new relationship with you and your Earth brethren. This will bring about accelerated growth in all phases of your life. Know that your connection there, is constant and sure. (meaning the connection to the Sun) Also know that all the celestial bodies, those seen and unseen, are in alignment with this new relationship. What does this mean? The relationship between the planets and you the humans has always been symbiotic, now it is exemplary. It went from working together to showing the way. No longer do the celestial bodies find themselves tied to drama and intrigue, instead they are now guidance and role models of the way forward.

Now what of the physical? Ah, now you will really see the shift. We will speak of your life alone here. You have moved to a new energetic space and you will move again within the year. Why do you think this is? You can see the shift in generalities but we will give you more specifics. This current home is a stopping place to accrue energy and anchor into the new without limiting your potential. You are centrally located in the town. Are you not? You are meant to be in the middle, absorbing energy from the four directions. So what is available to you now? First know that the fabric of life is all-ways changing. That said, there will be some opportunities that will arise that are fairly certain to occur. Do you know that your presence in the state of Colorado has affected everything within it? This is true. A shuffling of energy has occurred since you arrived. You are frustrated with you efforts to manifest an income stream within your physical life. And yet you have been provided an income throughout this ordeal. You have placed an importance on a physical job and a traditional human income stream. Know that the options there are still aligning and that all will come together.”

E: “Is what my heart wants conflicting with my desire for a generous income stream?”

m: “No. The heart does not wish to suffer. The heart wants more.”

E: “It is hard for me to line up the desire for more financially with my desire for more expansion. Where is the conflict?”

m: “This is a common issue arising right now; how to balance your need and desire for growth with your desire to live a more comfortable physical life. The answer is easy. Do not put one above the other. Instead treat them as equals that fulfill the other.”

E: “Wow! Can you tell me more about that?”

s: “Yes. If your growth is tied to finances than both expand. If your finances are tied to finances than there is slow to no movement. If your growth it tied to growth, than it too accelerates at it own constant rate. But, link them together and an unusual thing happens. The molecules of each become entangled so that they both slingshot the other as they vibrate or spin. This is how other entangled energies work as well.”

E: “So how do I entangle them?”

s: “Begin by imagining that the desires of the physical, mainly money/home/comfort, are alongside the desires of the heart, mainly growth/joy/expansion/discovery. Now link them. (This was shown to me in two different visuals. The first was on an atomic level…I could either share molecules of each desire or have a magnetic attraction between the different molecules. I chose magnetics for my linkage. Second I was shown it as two sine waves traveling through space and time. When linked they travel together in the spiral, always responding to each other.)

E: “Thank you. I have found it hard to relax into “the waiting for”. I always think there is something I should be working on. Can you speak to me about this?”

s: “Yes. The desire to just Be is not a place that you have put your trust into for very long. This is tied to your physicalness as a being and to your experiences in the body thus for. Learning to just Be is a skill that flows from trust in the ALL but there is a misconception too. When you are in a state of Being, are you allowed to have doubts? Questions? Searches? New discoveries? Yes is the answer to all of those. The state of Being is not static and that understanding needs to change in your mind. Instead the state of Being is walking through life with your eyes wide open and ready to engage but your heart never goes into fear. This is the state of Being. It is not a static state of bliss, or trust. Instead it is an active state of trust with all that enfolds you as you experience life. Have your questions. Have your doubts and your ah ha’s. Do not have the fear.”

E: “So I have been in it more than I suspected?”

s: “Yes indeed. You have found many moments, some for days on end, which brought you to a Being state. You still have a little fear. Your greatest emotion to work with right now is love. Love the questions. Love the doubt. Do not drop into fear-creating when your emotions flare up. This doesn’t happen if you are not afraid. Did you know that you can be depressed and anxious without drowning in fear? The base emotion is the creating emotion.”

E: “I have felt very flat at times lately. (emotionally) Can you speak about that?”

s: “The ability to be joyful is tempered with the ability to be sad. You cannot always be high with joy and giggles, just as you cannot always be sad. The feeling of flatness is simply an in-between state. Experience it as it’s own and know that it changes as easily as the others do.”

E: “Thank you. Are there specific things I should concentrate on for creation in the physical? Or do I try to keep away from the specifics?”

s: “There are several things to point out here. First, yes concentrating on the specifics narrows the available outcomes. This can be used to achieve something very specific and is therefore not a detriment in that case. However the complexity of created reality is such that there are a lot of unknown and unimaginable options that you would rather have if you knew they existed. So how do you pull those to you without imagining? Tricky Tricky! Know this, the ability to broaden what manifests for you is simpler than it appears. Understand that the imagination is a powerful tool. You can use it to your advantage if you know how.

Can you imagine surprise and delight?

Can you imagine awe and being overjoyed?

Can you imagine tears of happiness?

Can you imagine the comfort of everything being taken care of?

Can you imagine everything falling into place?

Can you imagine your husband happy with the outcome as well?

Can you imagine that the new money stream just falls in your lap?

Can you imagine that your abilities and growth are reflected in that surprising turn of events?

Can you imagine that everything you wanted is coming true?

Can you imagine having it all?

Can you imagine that the beginning of this journey leads to an amazing end, which is really an amazing beginning?

Can you imagine that everything that has come through you is true?

Can you imagine that you never doubt again?

Can you imagine that the God that is you becomes so apparent that others see it too?

Can you imagine what walking through life as a Knowing Creator is like?

Can you imagine the joy and safety in knowing how to create at will?

Can you imagine a future that is not only stable but also generous in its ability to provide for your needs and wants?

Imagine it all.

Live it all.

It is one and the same.”



As a tiny example of imagining,… I was turning off the shower two days ago and noticed before I stepped out a single drop of water hanging on the showerhead. This is not something that I normally pay attention to, but on that day I put my hand out to catch it. It didn’t fall however. After a bit I began speaking to it, trying to coax it down into my hand. There was still no movement. I went inside it, saw it’s energetic and atomic structure and tried to show it the similar water makeup of my cells. There was no movement. Then I remembered the above instructions to imagine it. So I imagined the drop of water landing on my palm and felt the quiet happiness that the moment would bring to me. (For there is emotion attached to all of the imagine statements above…which I hope you can feel as you read them.) Immediately the drop fell…as did thirty or so other drops that came out of the inside of the showerhead. You should have heard my startled and happy laughter!

The Waves of Creation and Magic

The Waves of Creation and Magic

Message from My Telomeres on 1/14/16

Telomeres:  “There is a relationship to the explosion of data regarding wave energy–examples include gravity waves, sine waves, reality waves, energetic transference waves–and the work that we are doing in the body.  As you already experienced, the work that was done in your musculature of the arms and shoulders was done in waves.  Not only in regard to the location but also in regard to the time of day and the intensity of the experience.  What is the advantage of wave energy?  The highs and lows or the troughs and peaks both have their own advantage that increases the potency  of the other.  The apex of the wave would not be nearly as effective if there was not the trough.  It is during the trough that assimilation occurs, that the magic happens.  Guess what happens at the peak?”

Esther:  “The Download?”

T:  “Yes, the beginning and the end.  The moment of creation.”

E:  “So explain why it is continual and the difference with each creation peak?”

T:  “It is continual because energy is never still.  Even something that you would perceive as “not doing anything” is in fact still on a continual expression of movement and life.  As to what the difference is between each peak, that is up to you–the creator.  If you wish, through either lack of knowledge of what is possible or fear of what is possible, you can receive the same downloads/creations with each peak movement of the wave.  If however you are continually choosing a new creation, then with every peak that is what you get.  This is why we have also told you that you can control the pace of your evolution.  If it is too intense, slow down the downloads of New Creations.  Then when you feel comfortable, welcome them again.  These waves of energy are encountering and interacting with your body constantly.  They come from all over the universes, from the Great Solar Sun and beyond.  They also come from everything around you.  You Are a woven tapestry of energetic waves.  You are a wave yourself that interacts back with everything else.  While this may sound overwhelming to some, know that this is your natural state whether you are human or not.

So back to body changes.  What is really happening is that the wave signatures are changing, per you request.  And since all the waves within you make up a singular wave form that is you, then all the rest of you is modified by one wave changing.  Do you see now?  That is the power of Thought!  A new thought has a cascade effect through out your entire being.  And when your wave changes, it also changes everything that you are in constant interaction with.  That is how what you do for yourself affects the ALL.  Wave energy in motion!”



In reference to the muscle changes in my arms and shoulders, I started feeling that shortly after I started talking to my Telomeres.  It lasted a least a week and I first noticed discomfort in my right arm and then my left arm joined in.  I would have periods of time where it would feel like I had sprained my wrist but I still had muscle strength.  For example I could still use it to lift things and walk the dogs but it was sore.  The feeling would only last about an hour on my wrists but days later when the uncomfortableness had moved up to my upper arms and shoulders the feelings would stay with me for several hours.  Some days it would not leave, instead it would become more intense for a while and then fade to where I wasn’t frequently aware of it.  The back of my shoulder blades were the last region and lasted the longest but with less intensity than the upper arms.  As I thought about it, after getting this message, I could see that each muscle group had it’s own wave length.  I was also more uncomfortable during the night than during the day.  When I asked about it…during the experience…before I received the above message, I was told that the aching was caused by the fact that my new enhanced musculature needed more blood flow and oxygen.  The aching is the body adjusting and balancing that out to the new.  I asked what I could do and was told to drink lots of fluids and picture my body as “attracting” oxygen.  Since I am moving less at night while I sleep I needed to set the intent for “ease of movement for the fluids in my body”.  I also would picture oxygen molecules being magnetically attracted to my whole body, not just my lungs.  After all they say, “Your skin breathes.”  I asked what enhancements my muscles now had and was told, “less fatigue, less cramping, more flexibility, and smooth strands that make up the directional alignment of the muscle groups.”  BUT I must create this flexibility etc. through action.  What good are enhanced muscles if you never stretch them?  This is just a synopsis of my experience and not something that you will all experience the same way.  Yeah for unique and individualized bodies!

Emotional Fertilizer, Flight and a Quantum Antenna

Emotional Fertilizer, Flight and a Quantum Antenna

As promised, here is My Telomeres speaking to me about Flight and a bit more…plus an extra tidbit just for you…a dream.  Anything in parentheses is me hoping to clarify something.


Telomeres:  “Let us go back to discussing “the beginning”.  The beginning is when a thought is formed that creates a new possibility into your created field of life.  When this thought forms, two things happen.  First “the creation” happens.  The energy is formed much like an ovum or an egg.  Next the emotion of the creator fertilizes that egg.  So there is that creation, fully formed, and created in your field of life.  What happens next is purely up to the individual.  Even if no attention is ever given to it, “the creation” is now LIVE.  (Live as in a Live Broadcast or “We are going to so and so now live in the field.” Basically something that is in Action Now in the created field of life…which has no timeline remember.)  Perhaps too much attention is given to it.  Attention frequently contains lots of emotion.  This emotion is absorbed by the creation at every juncture.  Meaning that the difference in your core emotion switches out, so to speak, the sperm that fertilizes that egg.  The core emotion is how you really feel in your heart about something.  It does not include the day-to-day emotional inconsistencies that a human processes as they go through their created day.  This has been described to you as the light of the sun (sun = core emotion), which does not disappear from the sky on a cloudy day (cloudy day = day to day emotional living).  It still shines on the other side of the clouds as a constant.  So yes, the emotional fertilizer is easily changed by any inner work that a human chooses to walk forward into and complete.

We said we would speak to you of Flight this morning and it now comes into play.  Flight gives you the ability, through total trust, to access creations in your “future”.  Remember there is no timeline in your created field of life.  So say the future You has fertilized a specific creation in a way that you have not conceived of yet, you can bring that into your now without having to figure out how you did it.  What is the advantage of this?  Accelerated growth of course.  Will you miss out on important learnings and understandings?  No! For what do you think arrives with that creation into your Now reality?  The Knowledge that created it of course, a download, an epiphany, an understanding…or two or three.  There is never a time that you would “miss out” on the important knowledge and growth that would have led you to the creation.  Finally, now is the time to begin using your Flight skills, for the creation of this New World needs all the “fast tracking” that you all can give it.  When a star is in a state of expansion it wants to keep expanding, faster and faster.  It does not want to expand by fits and bursts.  You are the Star and you create the Stars as well.  Expand and we expand with you.  You are The Creator.  We are the Created.  So much is possible that you can not even imagine at this time.  Let your heart tell you where to fly.”

I received the above message yesterday and I had the following dream last night.

In my dream I was in the future with people who I have known in this life, who are scientists. There were also others there that I didn’t recognize.  It was a reunion of sorts going on.  I was greeting people and hugging and talking.  We were all on some sort of containers in space.  I hesitate to say ships because they looked more like homes or buildings.  There was a small cluster of these structures floating close to each other out in the blackness of space.  There were also a number of people who didn’t need to be inside these structures…they looked human but didn’t need to breathe air.  I knew that they were what I would call in this life a robot.  There was this “quantum antenna” that nobody could figure out and so they had “given it to the children”.   (Ha ha yep I love that I remembered that!) I took it because I didn’t want it to get broken (Ha ha ha! I even have Mom brain when I dream!), and was looking at it.  It looked like a collapsible umbrella with a cut clear glass doorknob somewhere in the top part of it.  I figured out that emotion turned it on and started it spinning slowly which expanded the parts of it outward into a shape similar to a columnar light shade.  The faceted clear “glass doorknob” turned a light blue.  Blue is the color of Mother energy, fertility and growth and the bringing of life.  (Click here for my current color code.)  I knew that once I figured it out fully that the quantum antenna would spin really fast and energy would be created. (Yeah for remembering dreams!!!)


Within You

Within You

Here is the lovely nugget from my Telomeres today!  Thank you Body of Mine!

Telomeres:  “There is a beginning and there is an end and they are the same moment.  It is only the human mind–that perceives the passage of time– that considers the passage of time between two points.  When something is chosen, will it happen instantly?  Yes.  Will it appear instantly?  No, usually not.  Why is this?  Because there is no time on the energetic side of things.  There is only time in the creation of the mind.  So how do you “hop” through “time” and “capture” that moment of manifestation in the physical and bring it into your Now moment?  To begin, you must KNOW that what you have created DOES exist, not only in your energetic field of possibilities but in the actual physical.  This knowing must come from the heart.  A total trust in the absolute fact that the creation exists inside you.  We say inside you, for you are your field of life.  You are your created reality, both physical and energetic.   When you Reach for something, do not reach outside yourself–unless you absolutely understand that everything outside yourself IS you–instead reach within.  Ah, yes!  Lightbulbs for some!  Feel that energy of “the created” within you.  Open the door to it and walk yourself “into” it.  That is different, is it not?  You submerge yourself in the energy of “the creation” instead of pulling it back toward you.  You are the one who “hops”.  You skip the perceived waiting time and enter the Now of that energy, which is not on a “timeline”, by the way.  Picture your energy field as a three-dimensional field of stars.  They are all lit, some more bright than others depending on your own choices.  But everything is alive and glowing NOW.  This is the beginning of truly using Reach.  We will expand upon using your Flight gifts tomorrow. As for now, go in and Reach.”